yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
