I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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