Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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