please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
