I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
