I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
