im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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