btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
