Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
