we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
