I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
