First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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