apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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