Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
