I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
