I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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