the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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