i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
