Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
