Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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