Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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