I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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