The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
