well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?