Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
