fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I smell like Dick and happiness
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
