I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
