I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
