Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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