That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
