I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize