Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
