Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize