i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
