I'll bet she douches with gravy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
