i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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