Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
