I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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