when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
