Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
