Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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