if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
