i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
