He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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