This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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