Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
