whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
