You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
