what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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