Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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