eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
