i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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