Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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