I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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