I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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