you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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