At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
