Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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