I got chris browned last night
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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