My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize