I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
