do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
