I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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