That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
