Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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