Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
