Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
